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I Don’t Sing…

Happy Full Moon in Leo my loves!

Now is the time to embrace your inner child, embody your creativity, and be bold! Like their symbol, the lion, Leo’s are fierce and not afraid to express themselves or shine their light in the world in their most authentic way. If there is any fear stirring up in you, now is the time to let it go! Let go of the shame. Let go of the lies you’ve been telling yourself. Let go of the fear. Feel into what has been holding you back, release it, and let yourself shine bright just by showing up authentically in your power.

With the encouragement of my dear friends, spiritual team, and my own inner strength, I’m tapping into that Leo-ness by sharing this very vulnerable blog post about something I’ve been recently guided to work through. Quite honestly, it was scary AF to write! I was even feeling nauseous and shaky while writing it but I knew by putting what I’m going through it into words, it is a necessary part of my evolution and upgrade. It’s now time for me to move forward and be free.

It’s like taking that first jump into the water… You think of all the “what ifs”… What if the water is freezing? What if it’s really deep and dark and I drown? What if I kick a fish or inhale the water? WHAT IF we stopped wondering about what may happen and decide what IS to happen? That is what I’m doing by inviting you into my inner world that is rarely ever shared. Welcome! Let’s dive in…


I don't sing. Well, kinda…


I didn’t for a decade. I actually just started to let myself use my voice again, but not really showing my face or just in short little spurts during my sound healing classes. This might not seem strange so Let me start over…

I am proud to take the time to honor myself as an evolving, forever student of life and love, as I continue to expand and grow to be a better version of myself. Part of my growth is healing current and other life trauma in regards to my music…

I don’t really talk much about this but I’ve been recently nudged (in many directions) to share and to be really honest about it. I’m actually a bit shaky writing about this. I feel the butterflies in my stomach that are making me nauseous just thinking about what others may think. It sounds silly admitting this as an almost 34-year-old adult, but this is where I’m at and I like to be transparent.

Sound healing entered my life when I needed it the most…


Let me start by saying that music was all I knew. My father saw me in a dream emerging from a cloud of music when my mom was pregnant with me. He realized it was me when I was about 4 years old when he recognized that I looked exactly like that little girl in the dream. I was the happiest baby and child. I sang before I spoke a word. I would sing for anyone and everyone anywhere because I wanted people to be happy. I sang at my church, in my schools, would write innocent love songs in my bedroom, and even played 10 instruments at one time with over half of them at a professional level1 To say I was obsessed with music would be an understatement. I WAS MUSIC! After over a decade of not having music or singing in my life - I wouldn’t even sing in the shower, the car, or anytime I was alone - teaching a Sound Healing class with no music in my life for 10 years was thrown into my lap and I had to “take the bull by the horns”... By playing the gong and the singing bowls, it forced me to reconnect with music after a period of complete silence and I felt conflicted because my soul hadn’t felt so happy in a long period of emptiness. During my adolescence, I was conditioned to dull my shine because my “perfect singing” ::cringe:: made others feel terrible. I’d often hear from my “friends” “Can you stop singing so perfectly and sing like a normal person for once? You make everyone else look bad!” or “It makes me so sad that I could never sing like you.” It hurt my pure heart to hear these things that my singing could make someone feel so down about themselves! This may seem like an “innocent” comment from the mouth of a 12-year-old in the back seat of the car after all of us belted to Christina Aguilera, but these are two of many similar comments that made me scared to sing. I have never wanted to make people sad or feel bad, especially with my singing. I was just having fun! Throughout the years, I was betrayed and lied to by people I thought were my friends, rumors were spread about me that had nothing to do with my music but about my character which made me look and feel unworthy of existing, and my life was even threatened nearly on a daily basis with notes in my locker saying I will suddenly disappear or have an “accident” if I didn’t stop singing or forfeit my solos. I had no way of defending myself except to isolate and pretend like it didn’t hurt me by standing tall and sarcastically smiling at the one’s who did this to me daily when it destroyed me on every level.


My voice teacher and advisor in college told me I had to stop singing and that I was a waste of talent when I turned down an audition he surprised me with for the New York City Opera. Him telling me I was a waste and should quit music was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was already afraid of succeeding because I didn’t want to upset my peers. I wouldn’t even try during my juries and auditions, even postponed them because the anxiety would get to me so bad but this… These words are what put it all to an end. From that conversation on, I dropped all of my scholarships, quit 7 music ensembles, and stopped singing & playing instruments completely. I didn’t even really listen to music for fun for over ten years when music was the only thing I knew about myself. I fell into a deep, dark spiral of depression and developed severe OCD, GAD, and Social Anxiety. I hid from the world for a long, long time.


I lost my identity and in a way, it felt like I lost my soul...


These things sound extreme and silly right? Well, I’ve barely scratched the surface of what I trauma I endured when all I wanted to do was enjoy sharing my music without worry or competition, but you don’t need to hear the entire story. The point here is that I’m still scared to share my voice and music. There. I said it! I’m scared to shine bright as I could... I’m great at empowering and supporting others to embody their own inner light, but for myself… Well, I’m much better than I was. I’ve worked through other traumas and I have the tools and knowledge to help myself and others shine, but that underlying fear of making others feel bad unintentionally is what gets to me from time to time about my own empowerment regarding music and success. I’m afraid to admit this but at the same time, I’m not anymore. I’ve been denying this part of myself for so long and have barely allowed it to come out for fear of retaliation. I feel like I’m taking a huge risk writing this and even debating about sharing it or not. We’ll see if this ever makes an appearance in the real world. This may just be for me as a journal entry of healing, but if I do share, it’s because I’m intuitively guided to share. I’ll think of it as an accountability post.


 

What does this have to do with Sacred Sound Healing?

I started practicing sacred sound healing early 2019, but I only just started using my singing voice in my classes this time last year. Sound Healing came so naturally and felt like something I’ve been doing for lifetimes (because I have) but that trauma from my past was still stuck in the body. My ego, aka the mind that protects you from change and things that are uncomfortable, still says to me “but are you sure? You remember all the things that happened to you before when you let yourself sing for all to hear, right?” It’s a silly dialogue, but this is how the mind works and this is the process of healing trauma. It’s not pretty. It’s not easy. And it’s most certainly not fun.

Sound healing pushed me in so many ways…

It pushed me to be a better teacher. A better person. A better support system for others. A better version of myself. And it continues to push me to break through the barriers I put around myself out of protection from the trauma I experienced and still [unintentionally] cling on to.


Do I know better than to believe these things that were thrown at me? OF COURSE I DO!!


I don’t actually believe these things anymore. Back then I thought people just hated me but I didn’t understand why. I was the sterotypical preacher’s kid in the Goodie Two Shoes sense who was raised to treat others like I’d want to be treated and I did just that. I wouldn’t break rules, I was soft-spoken and genuinely kind. I thought my peers hated me because I wasn’t as fierce as everyone else. (To be honest, not much has changed. I’m still a goodie two shoes LOL) I have since discovered it was jealousy and my innocent and pure nature made it easy to manipulate me. I’ve forgiven those people a long time ago. I know that my singing won’t get me killed or actually cause harm to others. My body doesn’t fully know though so I still have issues with my throat - it legitimately hurts to sing even though there is no medical reason for it. My body and mind are learning and healing and by admitting this very vulnerable and “scary to me” truth is part of that healing.


I have nothing to hide, nor have I tried to hide my truth from anyone, but I’ve always done the healing alone. Trust played a big factor for many reasons, but I’ve never felt like people needed to know these things about me because I never wanted to take away from people’s time or be an inconvenience. (Even writing this, I wonder if anyone will actually read it if I share it because it’s so long. Who wants to know my story? Like, really? haha) But I have realized that I don’t have to be alone and I’m not an inconvenience… I’m not thrusting my problems into people’s faces. I’m sharing where I’m at and finally allowing myself to pull back the curtain hiding my light that has been enforced by my Scorpio Rising sign and “not a fan of change” Taurus Sun. (Those who know, know. lol)


I recognize now that what’s meant to be will be and part of my being is letting go of what’s been bottled up for a long, long time…

I am a spiritual life coach who has been guided to assist others in healing their own trauma and dis-ease in their body, mind, and spirit. I’m both a teacher and a student. A lot of my healing came through my technique I now call AstroAngelic Energy Healing - what I have best described as energetic surgery for the past five years. Sacred sound healing and the many tools I’ve invested in and learned from other teachers and healers have also helped me discover my light as I walk on my own healing path…



I’m proud of all I have cleared and healed in regards to my own sexual assault trauma, PTSD, emotional abuse trauma, spiritual trauma from the church, OCD, anxiety, depression, and so much more! Through that discovery of my soul, I learned that the teacher, the coach, the mentor, etc. is never not working through something. This is why I’m not holding back and being so honest with where I’m at because I’m still [technically] human. I see myself learning alongside every encounter because I view us all as equals.

I am learning and growing every day and help soul-aligned individuals overcome what I’ve already worked through. As I move forward, It’s been made clear that shining my light without fear of retaliation is the next chapter of my healing. I’m so grateful for those who have helped me to finally accept the challenge because it’s the one I’ve been longing to heal on the deepest, soul level. This is an empowering reminder that I do and can help others do the same!


Now, I know I’m meant to share my voice with the world, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t terrify me.


I never really allowed myself to fully be present with myself and my voice. At least not since I was in 5th grade. Even at the height of my music career, I dimmed and even “dumbed” down myself through self-sabotage either by pretending to be a ditzy blonde (even though that was purely an act so I could finally fit in) or by not fully putting in the effort to succeed in ways I know I could have. I just never liked making others feel less, especially when I never intended to. (Not that I have ever intended to do that to anyone ever - my kindness is still often mistaken as inauthentic - something else I’m continuing to work on letting go of how others perceive my light. The journey is never-ending, which is good because life would be pretty boring, right? haha)


I digress… What I’m trying to say here is


DON’T LET OTHERS DIM YOUR LIGHT!


You may walk into a room and notice that you are the brightest light there and that’s okay! Don’t turn it down to make others feel better. You’re not asking for attention, you’re not trying to be something you’re not, you’re not even thinking or acting like your better than others because you know you’re not. Just stand in your power by being yourself. Stand in your light and in your truth. It is okay!

I know I need to read that paragraph again for myself. haha)


It is safe to be you!


Life is not a pissing contest! (lol) I hate, and I don’t like that word, but I HATE competition. It’s never been my style or vibe. I would have rather forfeited or never participated in something to avoid competing because I just want everyone to love and accept one another and embrace what we all have to share. (Yes, my moon sign is in Libra, can you tell? lol) I have always been this way and always will be, but I will no longer let myself be a pushover or feel bad for being myself. No one person is better than another, but that natural mindset of equality for me made life harder so I’d shut down and turn off my light. I’m choosing to no longer claim that though. I recognize there will be ups and downs and know that’s okay. That’s part of the journey, but I’m ready to take full control of the wheel because the destination is worth it.



 


Let me reintroduce myself… Hi! My name is Rachel, Sangeeta Ravi Kaur. I’m a life coach, natural-born healer and intuitive, a forever student, a gifted musician, and nurturer of all beings. I am genuinely confident and love who I am at the core, but I am continuing to work on the parts of myself that I don’t feel that way about and I’m okay with expressing that because I’m making changes rather than denying or sitting in it.

It’s so weird to express this out loud because I don’t typically share with the world what I’m doing behind the scenes. I never felt it was necessary, but I realized that I’m not the only one like this and that’s why I’m sharing this now. I know there are others like me who turn off their sparkle when they feel like people are casting judgments and are afraid of making others feel less when they succeed and shine. If someone is thinking or projecting negativity towards you, that’s on them! Hopefully, that trigger will help them to see what they can work through to be a better version of themselves just as you are doing as you keep moving forward and shining bright. We are just mirrors and sometimes people see something they don’t like about themselves in that reflection, but it’s not up to you to make them feel more at ease by hiding behind a curtain. I know I’m tired of doing that so I’m going to let myself continue to show the world my natural, happy-go-lucky personality, my intuitive & musical gifts, and my radiant light as I actively let go of the worry.


Can You Imagine what it would be like to stop dimming our light for others’ sake?!

What I envision is a life of freedom, happiness, success, and pure joy. I’ve decided from this day forward, that I am to step into that energy and embrace my light more than I have ever before. My authenticity is what already draws in high-vibrational people, but once I fine-tune it to where I’m fully comfortable with the frequency of ME then all I can really say is Wow… I know everything will align in the most beautiful way!


I’m ready to tap into my power in a place of contentment and peace. I am radiant, confident, and proud to be who I was designed to be. I’m ready to shine so brightly that I feel peace in knowing that I am embodying my truth rather than just being in my truth but with the dial turned down to a lower setting.


I encourage you to join me in doing the same! In fact, I would love it!

Imagine how bright the world would be if we let ourselves shine in our own spotlight of our souls! Will it be easy? Well, that’s something we get to choose through our mindset. I just know that it will be so rewarding because I’ve already done that with other areas of my life. I’m excited to now enter into this next chapter of embodying my radiant soul! There’s a reason I was intuitively gifted the name Soul Radiance for my business name. 🥰


Final note…. The spiritual name given to me could not have been more perfect…


Sangeeta Ravi Kaur

“The positive one who makes her life a song of devotion & harmony to God-consciousness, shines like the radiant sun.”



THIS is my true essence in one sentence and I’m excited to turn the dial up to 100%. Be ready for more sparkles and sunshine, because I am ready! I’m so grateful and excited to witness our growth in this life. Thank you for being a part of it! I love you, thank you, and bless you, 💖 Rachel, SRK


 

P.S. A big thanks to all who read this. You are amazing and I’m truly grateful for you! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear what you received from this and learn what you’re working through or choosing to work on. ARE YOU READY FOR SOUL LIBERATION? Join my 8-week Radiant Soul Liberation Program. You’ll receive 8 weeks of a completely customized program. This proven method will help you to positively reprogram your brain, let go of the trauma and dis-ease, overcome obstacles, and more by utilizing my own method of energy healing, EFT/Tapping, guided meditation, custom sound healing recordings, weekly coaching sessions, and beyond! Send me an email if interested. I’m opening this up for only 4 clients right now at a deeply discounted rate as a special self-love offering.


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